Frustration should be a 4 letter word

I've had a bad week.  Not really with my eating or fitness even, just with simple frustration. 

On a couple of occasions, I just wanted to sit down and cry or throw my hands up and say, "f$#* it!" but I didn't. 

Why am I so frustrated?  For many reasons, most of them having to do with the stress of my biggest saboteur (my mother) coming to visit.  For those who know me, know that I don't have the best relationship with my mother.  I know that she did the best that she could raising my sister and I on her own but the hurt and lifelong wounds that she caused me are also something that I can't forget, although I have tried to forgive.  It always starts with the little comments when she sees what I make for dinner, the comments like "oh, it's nice to see that you're finally being a little more conscientious about what you're eating."  Seriously?  I told her that we are trying to improve our family's lifestyle etc... and she just started with her excuses, "oh, I wish we could eat whole grains but my husband can't now." and "I'm jealous that you can go out and run, I just can't do it because of my knees and feet".  I just wanted to slap her.  Frustration #1.

My other frustration came when I stepped on that scale for the 8 millionth time in the last month and didn't see it budge at all that week.  I know that I shouldn't be frustrated because I've seen a vast improvement in my overall fitness as well as my muscle tone, but those lingering emotional issues started to pop up in the back of my head as I looked at that stagnant number and that's when those tears wanted to flow.  I promised myself that I would not get discouraged and that I would roll with the punches, I even wrote that down as part of my lifelong goals.

I made two more promises to myself after my rollercoaster week, so that I can push through any future frustrating weeks:

1. To hide my scale and only weigh myself once a month (the only exception to this will be if I have personal training, and even then I will ask not to know what my weight is until my month is up).
2. To journal my food, again.  I've done this in the past but given up after a week or so, this time, I'm doing it indefinitely.  I will not allow myself to "see the end in sight" and give up.  If I still don't see results after my month of hiding my scale, then I will have Jo look over my journal and help me.

You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete. - Richard Buckminster Fuller

Save It!

I'm so tired of all of my friends who are all over the place on their fitness/weight loss journeys and their constant whining and sniveling that nothing's working.  Here's what I say to them (and yes, I've had this conversation with them in person too):

If you cut your caloric intake but don't get your ass off your couch, you're not going to see results.  You're just going to be a hungry irritable bitch.

If you've signed up for a gym but only go sporadically or once a week, you're not going to see results unless of course you're doing things when you're not there.  However, if you were doing that you wouldn't have got to where you are now in the first place.

If you workout hard but don't eat anything, you're not going to see results.  You're halfway there but can't get to where you need to unless you eat properly.  So stop being stubborn and just f*#$ing eat already!

If your life is "too busy" to make any long term commitments to your health then I guess I'll see you at your funeral.  To which I might also add, will be much sooner than my own and all of the others who are making conscious efforts to prolong our lives.

If you don't do a damn thing, and I mean anything like exercise or changing your eating habits but complain constantly about your weight, then just shut up already.  You're on the road to nowhere and you're just pissing your friends who are tired of supporting you off.

I'm by no means an expert but I've been almost every one of those friends at one point or another.  I have a long ways to go before I get to where I'm headed but I'm finally doing it.  Stop making your damn excuses and do something.  Oh and if you think I'm avoiding you, I'm not.  I'm deliberately ignoring you because you're pissing me off and I'm done babying or piggy backing you.

It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.- Ovid

Gracie's Song

Driving to town the other day listening to one of my favourite songs, "F$*#ing Perfect" by Pink and thinking really hard about the lyrics.  My husband reaches over and squeezes my hand and says, "I'm sorry."  I asked him why and he said, "I just wish that you had always been number one to someone."  I just wanted to pull him close to me and give him a kiss, but settled for a choking back the tears "thank you".  I want nothing more for my kids than for them to know that they are each number one to me.

Everytime I hear that song, I can't help but feel a little pang reminding me of what I only wish people in my life would have said to me growing up.  I wish that someone would have had sat down with me and told me even just once that I was enough, just the way I was. 

I'm not going to write my sob story, everyone has their story & I know that I wouldn't be the strong person that I am now if wasn't for the things I went through.

I have a song for each of my kids, a song that I want them to be able to listen to whenever they need motivation, encouragement, support, kick in the ass or what have you.

This is Gracie's song.

Just Play. Have Fun. Enjoy the Game.

Short & to the point today.

We started a new rule in our house this week & the kids have responded surprisingly well to it. 

Moving = Sitting.

So basically however much time they decide to spend sitting in front of the TV, we then in turn spend the same amount of time unplugged and playing/being active.  I couldn't be a hypocrite even while being sick so I've implemented the same rule for myself.  Today, I knew that I had about an hour of work to do on the computer so I made sure that I made it to the gym even though I'm sick and probably got everyone else there sick too.  Turned out that I had about 30 minutes more than anticipated so the kids and I played "red light, green light" for 45 minutes (although I didn't run as much as I should have lol).

The kids are having fun with it too.  Kenyon is really the only one who gets it but because he's doing it, Nate wants to do it too.  Kenyon is now asking me, "How long is Wall-E? Cause we need to know how much silly time we get today."  Silly time, that's another way to describe it.  It's not their usual play time because that typically envolves building Lego or playing cars, so not being overly active; silly time is fun for all of us because we are all participating & don't let the outside world bother us.  There's no TV on in the background and no one's on the computer, we don't even answer the phone.  Usually the only technology we use is the iPod for our "dance parties".

We all say that we can't live without our technology, and it's definitely our lifeline, but seriously try to unplug even for an hour and PLAY with your kids (if you have any), do what THEY want to do (as long as it's something active), I can guarantee that you'll have fun!

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible"- Walt Disney