Friday, January 28, 2011

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it

So I don't know what compelle me to do it, but after I got out of the shower this morning, my scale seemed to be calling my name.  So I gave in and climbed on there.  To my surprise there was a change, not so much in the number (nothing that couldn't be attributed a big poop or something) but in what I saw when I looked down.  I didn't see a number that was saying "Hey fat girl, here's your proof, you're fat!" or anything that was going to keep me down.  Sure, I saw a slightly smaller number but I saw something more, something that said, "just keep going, you're not going to change overnight, but you're feeling great and staying commited, so that's all that matters right?".  I guess you could say that this was my first "AHA!" moment of my journey.  Sure I've had successes, I've met all of my weekly goals to date and we've changed our eating habits drastically, but this was the first time in probably 10 years where I didn't feel like crap for giving into my scale's taunting and in fact, I gave it a good little kick in the ass!  I guess there is something to be said about changing your thinking and having it change your life.

YAY!

All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs- Anthony Robbins

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Learn From Yesterday, Live For Today, Hope For Tomorrow

Ok so this is attempt # 2 at this post since this stupid website "couldn't process" my last request and didn't save it.

So I got home from the gym today feeling really good after a great workout and finally found myself with 5 spare minutes to hop online to check my email, hop onto the Momstown message board and see if Jo had posted a blog entry, which she had.  It wasn't the usual funny little excerpts of her day, today's was honest (and brutally honest at that).  I knew that things have been up and down since the gym opened its doors, I guess I just hadn't realized how tough times had been as of late, and why would I?  I'm just a member and the staff there would never let us know that anything was going on.

I just don't understand why people are so hesitant to try a different style of gym.  There have been so many times in my short tenure at JDFT that I have talked the gym up, be it on Facebook, with friends or even strangers.  I absolutely love it there!  I have tried continuously to convince friends to come along even to try a class out and I'm always given excuses.  The excuses are usually that they don't want to drive the whole 10-15 minutes into Red Deer, yet it's the same friend that's already been in once or twice today to go shopping and pick up kids; "their" gym is better for whatever reason, although they paid for a membership and have only ever used it a handful of times and then there's the friend that wants to give their new kinect or other fitness video game a try before commiting to a gym, yet they're on Facebook 24/7 updating every minute of their lives with no posts about their fitness.

I feel helpless because despite my best efforts and those of MANY others there just aren't enough people coming through their doors.  I feel scared because I'm afraid of losing the family and community that is JDFT.  I love everything about it there, especially that they have taken away all of the excuses for not getting there.  I love that I can take my kids there at any time, I love that I can workout pretty much whenever it fits into my schedule, I love that I can let it all hang out (and there's a lot to hang out) without being judged and I especially love that I always have a gym buddy even if I'm the only one who shows up, the trainers will always workout with you.  I'd like to say that I'm commited enough to myself and my family that I would be able to keep up this new active lifestyle if the gym's doors did close but I honestly think that I'm still at the stage where I need the structure of going to a class and having the help of others to ensure that I'm doing everything correctly.  I can't just decide one day to workout at home if I don't have some sort of idea as to what I'm doing.

I have spent the evening trying to come up with ideas to help and I just don't know what to suggest besides taking in my empties (which there are still a lot of from the holidays) lol.  I guess I'm hoping that maybe some of you who are creeping my blog, I know you're out there, with more means than we have can help keep this amazing community alive. 

Something as awesome as JDFT cannot be lost, it's too important to have such a family focused atmosphere to instill an active in our younger generations, especially since experts are anticipating that by 2030 80% of Americans will be overweight. 

PLEASE HELP SAVE JDFT
When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse, and when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better.

Monday, January 17, 2011

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Ugh, this weather has been really dragging me down. I just don't feel like doing anything, even blogging really.  So if blogging is such a chore can you imagine what working out feels like?  I have a mountain of things that I need to get done and this is what happened...  Went to start on taking some pictures for work, batteries in the camera are dead, so had to charge them.  Went to start on the laundry only to find a load that my husband had washed at some point over the week still in the washing machine smelling musty... ewww... so had to re-wash that load.  Was going to tidy up the living room but baby girl was having fun playing with all of her toys on the floor so I left them until she started fussing and getting bored.  After trying a couple of things, I just gave up and said I'll do it later. Was I making excuses for not doing the things that I intended on doing?  Absolutely.

I have noticed a change in my household over the past week and a half.  My kids are spending less time watching TV and asking to play Wii, they're playing with each other and creating games.  My husband is spending less time watching TV, he's offering to shovel the driveway and walkways without being asked.  My oldest son is asking when we're going to the "exercise gym" next.  I was lying on my bed yesterday talking to my hubby and said to myself, "why just lie here?  why don't you do some crunches?", so I did.  This is a change that I'm proud of, sure I still haven't convinced my husband to come to the gym but changes are happening regardless. 

So when I found myself falling into the "bad weather slump", I thought of this quote and decided that I don't want to be that horrible warning to my kids of what they don't want to be.  I want to be the good example so I dragged my lazy a$$ off of the couch and started to tackle each thing on my to do list again but this time without making excuses and guess what, I got it done!  It was great to be able to say to the kids that we're going to get the house tidied up today and we actually did it.  They are now starting to realize that when I say that we're going to do something it's not just an empty promise or threat, it means that I'm going to take action!
It is time to break through the barriers that have held you back and held you down for such a long time. It is time to reach out and indelibly etch your place in history.- Greg Hickman

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

What A Day...

We've all had them and they royally suck!  Today was one of those for me, or our entire house! 

I woke up this morning to hubby's alarm clock blaring away with him still sound asleep beside me... FML moment number 1, so I kick his ass out of bed and go back to sleep.  20 minutes later, in he walks to tell me that his van is still acting up (the ignition was sticking last night but he thought he knew what to do to make it work, well he was wrong) but he was going to figure it out.... Well geez, thanks for waking me up for that news flash.  10 minutes later, he's back, it's still not working but I'm going to keep tyring.  Then go do it!  I only have another half hour max before the kids wake up.  I give him my suggestion then roll over and try to get back to sleep.  15 minutes later he's back, yet again, finally agreeing to try my suggestion and apparently inform me of this, and I hear the kids.  YAY!  My last 45 minutes of sleep broken and interrupted, so I'm bitchy, FML moment/hour number 2.  Finally he gets it to work and off he goes to work, late but he's going.

Day continues as normal and we get ready to head off to school and do some grocery shopping while Kenyon's at school.  Everything's going good and I'm thinking, "well the day started off shitty, but at least it's improving".  We finish our errands and head back to pick Kenyon up from school, get out of the van and everything's as usual, in fact we're even early.  We grab Kenyon from school and I pack the kids into the van to head home, shut the sliding door after buckling Kenyon only to realize that it wasn't ice falling off the van when I slammed the door, the back freaking window smashed from the cold weather.  Not only does that suck, I find out from every shop that I call, that no one can fix it until tomorrow at the earliest.  FML moment number 3.  We made the freezing 5 block trip home and I was about ready to have a drink (mind you I didn't since it was only noon lol).

The day went on to involve me getting poop on myself from dirty diapers, spilling an entire cup of water (closer to the size of a Big Gulp cup) all over myself, the couch and carpet and then burning myself while cooking dinner. 

Ya, I know, will this bitch fest ever end?  How does this relate to your journey?  Well here it is, normally after a day like this, I would have waited until five o'clock on the dot, pour myself a drink and indulge in something sweet or some other treat, but I didn't.  I had a glass of water and grabbed myself a bowl of yogurt.  Not quite what I wanted but it satisfied me and I didn't eat anything crappy.

Might not be a big victory but I count it as one regardless; it's a step in the right direction.

Now, I'm going to sleep and will wake up to a better day!
Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey!- Barbara Hoffman

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Every Step You Take, Is A Step Away From Where You Used To Be

I have been feeling really good since starting on my journey to a new, healthier me.  I've had a positive attitude and have been really proud of myself for gettting my butt off the couch to get active and eat healthier. 

Last night I had my first nutrition and motivation class at the gym and it really got me thinking.  As I'm sitting in this room with other women who all have the same struggles as I do, I was thankful for a few things.
  1. That I wasn't the biggest one in the room (I know that this is completely selfish and harsh but it made me happy that I decided to take this journey before I got even worse off).
  2. To be the youngest one in the room, (which, sure, is a little awkward when I'm at least 5 years younger than the next mom and have 2 more kids than she does) but I think that I will honestly have the easiest road to recovery because I am that much younger and more resilient.
  3. And finally to be surrounded by such great women and have such a great support system.
When I got home, I was talking with my husband about how I felt about the class and everything and the answers I gave him, I think shocked him.  He thought that I would just be going to this class to get healthier recipes and an eating plan but for me (and I'm sure Jo's got it coming), I want to address the underlying issues and heal the hurt that I have allowed to control my life so that I can overcome it.  I know this sounds like I've been talking to a self-help guru or some of that bullshit but I think that I'll honestly just be sabotaging myself if I don't address some of these issues.

I don't think people realize how much one word or statement can affect a person.  For all my life, and quite literally as far back as I can remember, I have been compared to my sister.  Weight wise, intelligence, dancing abilities, anything that could have been made into a comparison was.  I remember my mom always telling me that I was big or "chubby chicken" when looking at my baby pictures etc... and my sister was always "skinny mini".  I didn't realize how much I resented these early comparisons until I actually thought back to where my self image issues started and I think it honestly started with the comments my mom made.  These comparisons continued all throughout my childhood and to this day, people say that my sister and I can't honestly be related solely based upon our sizes.  I have allowed myself to become fat because I figured that's how everyone already perceived me so I'd better not disappoint.  Sure life threw me curveballs, it always does, getting hit by a truck at the peak of your activities doesn't do anything to help your self confidence and in turn, self image.  Having 3 babies in 3 1/2 years doesn't help the self image department either.  I spent the better part of 4 years looking like I ate a couple of watermelons so I got used to looking that way and now have to get that image out of my head.

Looking back, I realize that I was not fat, I know this in my head but not in my heart, I was healthy, and definitely more of an athletic build.  I will never be thin, I know that and that's not even what I want, I just want to be healthy.  I am making it a conscious effort to forgive everyone, especially myself for these comments and for letting them dictate who and what I am.

I didn't sign up for a quick fix road to recovery, I signed up for a life altering overhaul and I'm glad that I'm doing it.  The road to recovery and then success isn't going to be an easy one but I'm hoping that along the way I'll be able to break free of the chains of my past and move on with my life.

Consider this day one of my road to forgiveness as well, it's not going to be easy and it's going to start with talking to some of my family members and forgiving them but I'm ready to do it.
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.- Maya Angelou

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.

So, I'm listening to the radio this morning thinking that they must be joking.  I hear the jockeys talking about how the Canadian government has decided to lower the bar in terms of guidelines for daily activity.  Apparently they have decided that if they lower the bar, it might encourage more people to become active. 

HELLO?! On what f*&%ing planet does that make sense?  Does that mean that now because my kids don't feel like studying we should just lower the bar to 30% being a passing grade?  Are we not setting our kids up for a future of mediocrity?  It's a cop out on the government's part if you ask me.  Instead of putting more money into healthy initiatives and incentives, let's just spend it on re-printing our literature with our new couch potato guidelines.

The best part of the whole thing was the statistic they found for kids aged 12-19.  Their number one reason for not doing enough activity is not a lack of resources or anything that could be somewhat justifiable, they apparently are just too busy.  I know that demographic has a slate filled with the important things like texting, tweeting, Facebook and video games but instead of allowing their fingers and mouths to be the only things getting  a workout, why don't these kids' parents take an interest in their kids and make activity a priority.  No body wants to be the fat kid in high school but no body wants to get their a$$ off the couch to change it.  I get it, I was a teenager too, and no body wants to be told what to do by their parents but there comes a point where an intervention is needed.

I am not a fitness guru or anything like that, hell, I'm actually overweight but I've commited myself to changing that so seeing the government take such a defeatest attitude makes me see red.  I have, even with me not being in shape, always, ALWAYS made sure that my kids got at least the minimum physical activity needed, if nothing else to set them on the right track so that they would hopefully be better off than I was.  It makes me even more angry that the lower guidelines will in turn become the guidelines for school; the only place where kids can be guaranteed affordable physical activity.  If obesity is such an epidemic in North America, which it is (it's estimated that by 2030, 86% of Americans will be obese) then why are we lowering the bar instead of raising it?  Should we not ensure that our kids are doing more physical activity (at the very least at school) to fight this epidemic instead of letting them off the hook in hopes that they'll pick the slack up themselves.

It's all just a bunch of bullshit if you ask me, but that's just one mom's opinion.

~ Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts- Ruth Gordon

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better

Sure this is only week 2 of my journey to a newer healthier me, but I'm already feel some differences.  There's no change in the number on my scale but I just don't care at this point because I'm feeling better and more energized already which has made life with 3 kids a little easier. 

I worked my ass off on Monday and was sure that I would regret trying the Amped workout which was broadcast online while the kids were napping and then hitting the gym again that evening for the TRX class but surprisingly, yesterday I wasn't nearly as sore as I had been last week after only one class.  I know that it's only a small step and a very small one at that but it's something that I'm proud of.

Now on a side note, I'm trying to get my husband on the bandwagon with me and it's not easy because he doesn't want to come to the gym until he's over this cold.  So last night for dinner, I decided that I would make a "clean" meal.  At the very least, I'll get him eating a little better at home and hopefully he'll eventually give in and join me at the gym.  So I make this clean meal, expecting a bit of a fuss since there's no cheese on the chicken or butter on the rice but he didn't complain.  In fact, he actually liked it, so maybe there is some hope for him after all.

I'd offer to share the recipe but since I'm still just writing to myself it seems a little pointless lol.

Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves. Dale Carnegie

Monday, January 3, 2011

It Doesn't Take A Monday

So I'm feeling a little lost after having 4 days "off" from working out.  I have been trying my best at continuing to eat healthy even on New Years Eve and to do some sort of physical activity which caused some of my friends eyebrows to raise on Friday night as we perused the snack table.  Many of them opted for the Mexican Chili dip and sweets or really anything that wasn't overly healthy.  Now I'm not going to lie and say that I steered clear completely but I am proud to say that I limited my intake and managed to eat almost half of the veggie platter lol.

As midnight approached we got onto the topic of resolutions (which I don't make anymore) or plans for the new year.  I told my friends that I had already started my journey to a newer healthier me and again eyebrows were raised.  "What's the point of a New Years resolution if you start it before the new year?"  Was one of the questions that I got to which I simply replied, "It doesn't take a Monday to start something new or to be successful."  When I then asked the same friend (who happens to have a similar goal/resolution to my own) when she would be starting, her answer was, "Well we'll be going to sign up on Monday and then taking it from there, seeing what our schedules look like.  You should totally come with us, it's going to be awesome."  I reminded her again that I had already started and found a gym that I totally love and the conversation changed.

While we were having this conversation, I chuckled to myself because on my second trip to the gym, Jo, Shannon and I had the same conversation about it not taking a Monday to be successful.  Jo even joking around and saying, "I'm sorry Shannon but you can only get fit if you start on a Monday."  I love that I've found a gym where we all seem to be on the same wavelength, it makes me even more determined to stay commited because the trainers there aren't like usual trainers who you're just a number to, they're like friends who know everyone by name.

Don't start living tomorrow, tomorrow never arrives. Start working on your dreams and ambitions today.-Unknown Author