Holy crap what a whirlwind month we've had and I neglected my blog. Ooops. Oh well, I'm over it.
It seems like since the Slave Lake donation drive our lives have completely sped up. We've travelled to BC, I've been watching my friend's 2 kids most weekdays (which means on a typical day I have 5 kids), we've had company upon company and somehow we had to try and maintain a sense of normalcy in our household.
Trying to find the time to go to the gym hasn't always been easy but I've gone, even with 5 kids in tow, because it's important to me. I made the decision to maintain a healthy lifestyle and just because we've been busy and circumstances have changed, doesn't mean that I'm going to throw in the towel. I've had successes followed by failures but every time I've moved on and started all over again.
I started food journalling again at the request of my personal trainer and realized that although I have significantly increased my food consumption on a lot of days I still wasn't there. Let's say on average 200-300 calories shy everyday which for one day isn't soooo bad but add that up over a week and suddenly I'm 1400-2100 calories shy which is almost an entire day. Yikes! I stepped it up and ate... I met my calorie goal every day and lost 3 lbs. That success was almost immediately followed by indulging, 2 birthday parties in 4 days... which although I didn't have cake at the first, I had chips (and quite a few) and then by the time the next party came, I had a piece of cake, some chips and smokies... I saw myself spiralling out of control and that was NOT okay with me. I felt guilty, I felt like I fucked up (sorry for the language) but I had to forgive myself, otherwise I would have kept spiralling.
I'm back on track, and doing better at least food choice wise and I'm fitting my workouts in. I feel bad going to the gym sometimes though with 5 kids in tow. Generally the kids are all good, but my lovely daughter is teething and is the spawn of satan as a result, so I feel horrible taking her there. I need my workout time for my sanity and because I'm not giving up on my goals but I feel like some days I'm more stressed while I'm working out. I feel bad because I either have a screaming baby attached to my hip or someone else has MY screaming baby while they're trying to take care of other responsibilities. Working out in the evenings just isn't an option for us right now, it simply doesn't work with my schedule but I'm at a loss. I'm grateful that my gym is made up primarily of moms who get it, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they want to put up with it either. The last thing that I want is to piss off the amazing people that I've met at the gym and who I enjoy working out with but I just don't know what to do. Maybe I'm over thinking things and feeling like a failure who they're all judging behind my back, maybe I'm not. I don't know. I'm going to keep making it work somehow, maybe that means some days you'll see me at the gym with 5 kids, on other days you'll see me running down the streets in Sylvan pushing a stroller and racing 3 pre-schoolers or at the park. I'll still be doing something, I just have to make it work. Period.
Through all of this craziness, I never considered giving up, I indulged and made some poor choices but I never thought, "well you're done now, you've failed", instead I kept thinking of how to move on and start over. For those who knew me before or when I first started, this was an internal dialogue that would NEVER have happened before. I know without a doubt that I've made changes and taken strides in the right direction, now I just have to keep going.
"I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."
